Shaken

I’m still in shock. I know shock is something many of you are feeling as well. This reality, the one where he wins the election and actually is selected by the people to be the face and leadership of this country, was not one I had ever foreseen as a legitimate future. I didn’t mentally plan for it. I honestly refused to believe that people would choose racism, sexism, bigotry, ignorance, and hatred. I refused to believe that so many people could possible feel that way.

But they do. I don’t know how to process this. I do not understand how so many people could have possibly wanted anything that this man stands for as a representation of our country. I literally DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I don’t know how to process this. I spent the majority of yesterday sitting on my couch in a blanket, with my cat, just thinking. Trying to mentally work through what this kind of result could possibly mean for our country. Not just what kind of horrifying changes his presidency will bring about, but also the impact that such a huge amount of the population of the country that I live in could put their support behind such horrific ways of thinking. It has shaken me to my core. It has completely changed the way I view people.

Depression is not something I’ve ever struggled with. Anxiety, yes, but not depression. I’ve never had that feeling of no hope, or pointlessness. Until this. When it was declared official, that he had truly won, I felt empty. Hollow. I cried. I hurt. I hurt in ways that can’t be fixed with positive thinking or a hug. How can I possibly help this? What can I possibly do when so much of our country supports this kind of behavior and thinking as acceptable?

But I refuse to give up. I spent yesterday grieving. And in many ways I still am. I am still very scared for the changes that will come to this country. But I will not give in. I CAN NOT believe that racism, sexism, bigotry, and ignorance will become the norm. I can’t live like that. And I won’t. I will now put even more effort into living my life in the best way possible with the best values possible. I will put even more effort into making sure my child grows up to be an accepting, open-minded, feminist, liberal thinking woman. This is how I contribute. This is how WE ALL contribute. Don’t give up. And don’t give in. Speak up when you see and hear things that are unacceptable. Don’t be a bystander. Spread love, acceptance, and kindness where you can. It’s all we’ve got.

  • Mariah Kaercher

    I’m at a loss for words. Seeing all of this hatred and where our country is heading really scares me.

    • Kay

      Agreed. I had no idea there was THIS much support for it. That’s terrifying.

  • ❤❤❤

    • Kay

      Thanks Alice! We can definitely use more love in this country. 🙂

  • Beautifully written, my dear. I’ve told my husband more than a couple times since this election started that I’d be willing to leave the country. Not even joking. The fact that so many Americans believe in and support that man is even scarier to me than what might happen next. I’m sorry you’re struggling with depression right now. I’ve been there and it’s an awful feeling. Keep fighting to raise your daughter to spread love. As much as it doesn’t feel like it right now, this will pass and hopefully our country will learn from this mistake.

    • Don’t leave. It’s your country don’t let some small minded people drive you out!

    • Kay

      Thanks Ashlee! I totally understand that feeling. My brother is currently debating ACTUALLY leaving the country (he was hit so incredibly hard by the election result.) I will stay, and fight, but it is such a blindsiding feeling of learning there is this much hate in out country. It makes me feel physically ill. But we will rise above, and do our best to remain strong positive forces of light in the world!

  • I’m not from America, I can’t imagine what you are going through.

    Create Art, Keep Writing, Spread your story! ❤️

    • Kay

      Thank you so much! I will definitely be doing those things.

  • As a woman of color I wasn’t shocked by the support Trump received. Those people are a part of our daily lives and we know they exist. I was very hopeful though, that love was greater than hate and saddened when that wasn’t the case (in the election because I do believe there are more people who are upset by this than not). Thanks for not being afraid to share your thoughts on your blog! Really appreciate it and knowing that I am not alone out here.

    • Kay

      You are most certainly not. I was truly blindsided by the amount of support he received, even prior to the election. I assume that a lot of that has to do with the fact that I was raised and live in a relatively sheltered are in terms of diversity. I live in a small town in a predominately white area. I just don’t have the exposure. Finding out that there is such support for such horrific things make me feel ill. But it also makes me realize that I need to and will take a more active role in being an ally and speaking out.

  • I cried all morning on Wednesday. Luckily I only had to go into work at 1pm or I would’ve been a mess. I’m still in shock that this happened. It’s devastating and all of the horrendous things going on right now because of Trump supporters breaks my heart in so many ways. We have to stay strong and fight back for sure!
    ~Sara

    • Kay

      Same. Besides hardly getting any sleep on Tuesday since I couldn’t stop watching the horror of numbers role in I spent all of Wednesday just sitting in shock, crying, and processing. I just couldn’t believe, and still have that feeling of mourning for what I thought was our country heading into such a progressive and open-minded way of thinking. This has opened my eyes to so much, which is a good thing I guess, but I absolutely wish there was nothing to open my eyes TO. The fact that so much racism and sexism is still rampant in the country is depressing, but it does inspire me us to be the stronger force of light for this country for sure!

  • I was so shocked when I saw the news. However, there are many who didn’t vote for him. Hillary won the popular vote. So, even if there are many that voted for the worst qualities of human beings, it’s also true that many good souls are still there. It means that we need to keep up being the light and hope for the best while doing our best. Love your way! <3

    • Kay

      Thanks Pepi! It is a (small) comfort to know that Hillary did win the popular vote, so I can take some solace in that. Plus, I know I’m not alone in living my best life; so many others will be working even harder to do so now!

Follow

Get the latest posts delivered to your mailbox: